Life....

Well... It's definitely been an interesting few months. Last semester ended alright. Finals kicked my ass but I survived. Had some interesting times that week. I ran around Wartburg and Waverly wearing a pair of cat ears a roommate of mine wore with her skanky cat costume for halloween. I called them my "thinkin' ears." They worked ok!! Had some rough times with Matt. He told me later that he came to my room one night in early December fully planning on breaking up with me. I know it's because I got all defensive and basically talked him out of it that he didn't. Thanks mom... I get that from you!! So we lasted a little while longer...

When I came home for Christmas break I was totally ready to be away for awhile. I was excited to see DeHamer and Kelsey and especially Steven. I hadn't spent much time with him in the past 4 months. It was a strange transition from seeing him every day to only talking to him once a day if I was lucky. Anyway... We spent a lot of time together. And he was different than he normally was. Found out later it was becasue he wanted to be with me. Now, there are few people out there who know the whole story. For those of you who don't, let's just say it took a lot of long, interesting conversations for me to realize this. Then I started putting it together. Steven never wanted to talk to me about Matt. And when I did talk to him about Matt, Steven always told me how bad the things were. But when I was so confused over break. He told me that Matt was where I was and he was who I needed to be with. I was so confused. So... I broke up with Matt. Not because I didn't want to be with him or becuase I didn't care about him anymore... but because I care about him way too much. I knew that he would invest way more in me than I in him and in the end I would end up hurting him. Why... because of Steven. I knew that I would always be attached to Steven in a way that was unexplainable. Kaitlin put it this way, I would always put Steven above anyone else... I would always care about him more than any other person outside of my family. I guess that should have told me soemthing. But I refused to listen to my heart because my head told me that Steven would never be interested in me like that. Little did I know... he had been for a long time. It made sence that he never wanted to talk to me about my problems with Matt and that he didn't like the idea of me being with anyone else.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am in fact dating my best friend. Tonight my mom called him my "Best Friend/Boyfriend." It's true... he is my boyfriend. So those of you out there trying to keep track of my life... Steven is a huge part of it. He will always be my best friend before anything else tho. As far as Matt goes... he knows that I am with Steven. It was really hard for him at first... but... I think we will be ok. I don't know exactly where we stand right now but life is better. As long as I have my family, my roommates, my friends, and Steven... I'll be alright.

Other than my immense boy drama... life has been pretty good. I'm currently at home. I found out I had shingles on Tuesday and life sucked. Thursday I spent the entire day in my bed. And every time I went to bed I'd cry. My mommy drove up to get me and brought me home. I'm glad I came home. I wouldn't have gotten the peace and quiet at school that I got here all day. I missed a test this morning. Owell... I'll make that up next week. Shingles sucks... in case any of you were wondering. I've got it on my back. It's gross... my roommates keep telling me I have herpes. We've named them "the Herps." Owell... it was good to make a mockery of it while I hated being at school. I felt so alone. I have felt so much better since I've been him with my family. Sometimes a girl just needs her mommy. Yes... I'm 20 years old and I just said that I needed my mommy. I'm ok with it.

For now... life is good... I'll try to keep you more posted. I don't like this new blogging sight I don't think. Perhaps I'll have to find a new outlet like KB Toys did. Until then...

the bloned