The Beginning of the End

I started my senior year of high school yesterday. So far, it hasn't been too bad. The homework was laid on pretty thick for the next few days though. I sort of touched on this in my last blog, but I am hoping that this year will be a lot different than years past. My classes are pretty decent. The only people I see all day are Butter and Ashley. Some of my other friends are at Central and the rest just don't have a similar schedule. Ashley, Butter, and I have decided that we are going to go to Butter's for lunch. As seniors we have open campus for lunch and since Lauren lives close to the school, we can go there for a quick lunch that is cheeper and healthier than what we would be eatting at school.

Anyway, It is hard to imagine that at this time next year I am going to be settling in to the college life style. It is harder to believe that in less than three months, I am going to know where I am going to spend the next four years of my life. I have it narrowed to a few schools, but I am still not sure which school is going to be the "right choice." Family and friends that are older than me have all talked to me about their college life and what it entailed for them. I appreciate what they say to me, but I am me, and not them, so no matter what I do, it will be different for me. I am glad that I have a lot of people that I can turn to for questions and answers though.

On a different note, I found out today what my volleyball carreer is going to look like. There was an article in the paper about our team. It was just an introductory short story about how the team was shaping up and what people could expect for the season. In short, it is summed up by listing Sara as the only returning varsity letter winner, introducing all the juniors and sophomores that are playing instead of seniors, and saying that Butter would be the only other senior playing for the dragons this year. Now, there are NINE seniors and only TWO of them are playing varsity. Erin, another good friend of mine and participant of the JV volleyball team, made a great point today regarding this article. After reading it, she was pissed and wrote a letter to the coach, which she didn't give him because it was just a venting tool. In her letter it said how the coach had made his mind up about us last season. How he wasn't giving the rest of the seniors a chance because he knew was the starting line up for this year was at the end of last year. Which is entirely true. He hates our class for some reason. Last year we were to blame for all of varsity's losses. We were to blame when the drill wasn't working right because JV was killing Varsity. It wasn't our fault, however, that we were 10 and 2 last season, beating every team that Varsity lost to. We have been conference champs for the last three seasons. Not to mention that as a team and a class, we work so well with each other. It comes from spending all winter playing with eachother on Club teams. Erin also wrote how she didn't want to be recognized on senior night by coming out of the stands down to the floor. I personally don't want to have to walk from the crowd down to the floor so I can be recognized as a Senior. And I am going to letter this year. But this isn't because I played varsity, it is because I stuck it out and put up with Brooks' shit for four years. Yay, go me. I am so excited that the only varsity letter I am going to receive isn't going to be for playing varsity, but rather being a dummy for varsity to practice against.

My love of the game is what keeps me going. I feel empowered when I know I can block someone or I get and awesome kill. I truly love to play the game. I don't play because someone told me I was good. I play because my heart goes into it. I hurt when we lose and all I want to do is try, try again. In a sense, I learned today that I was never going to play varsity in my coachs' eyes. But just because he doesn't think I can do it, doesn't mean I can't.